Where do I go from here?

A lot is going on and a lot has changed. I find it incredibly sad how quickly people can act like they hate you. My mind swims at all that happens and I am really affected on how mean and nasty people can be.
I have always found that expressing myself in words has been very helpful. I will just say what is on my mind and really I am at the point in this misery that I just don't care if people are offended. I am really having such a mix of emotions and frankly I am really hurt.

The only way I know how to explain my first feeling is sadness. I sit in front of my computer holding back the tears for fear that my children or others will see my emotions. I am supposed to be made of stone and I feel like the tempered piece of glass that could shatter if touched. How am I supposed to feel when a family that claimed to love me has turned on me and now all believes total LIES!!! I thought that I had great relationships with these people come to find out that they would rather destroy me than love me. I actually worry about them and am genuinely concerned. They would never know because NO ONE has asked. All of the sudden I am the enemy. What ever happened to treating others the way you would want to be treated. No one has called. No one has text. They would never know because they are all so consumed with keeping their stories straight and making sure they are all on the same page that they would never know how I really was. Aren't we supposed to treat other like we would want to be treated. So Do they want me to call the police every time they turn around? Or never apologize for unkind treatment or disrespect? Or for casting judgment on a situation that they only hear one side of. THERE ARE ALWAYS TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY. There is always a lier and there is always someone telling the truth.

Aren't we supposed to act like Christan's as we claim we are? What ever happened to the phrase " What would Jesus do?" Do you have to follow a set of rules that others have designed for us even if it doesn't work for us? There are wonderful people in this world that don't all belong to the same church. It is possible and wonderful to have diversity and different opinions in our lives. I have always chosen to love the person for themselves and not try and mold them into the cookie cutter mold that makes all of the exactly the same sugar cookies comfortable. Who said that we all need to dress a certain way. Eat and drink the same . Do the "approved" activities, etc. That makes people so boring. I choose to be creative and design my own path of happiness. Not what someone say because it is their opinion and it works for them. It just might not work for me. Does that make it wrong? I darn well know that I am a good person and I have a lot to offer. It saddens me that the sugar cookies are trying to make me feel bad about wanting to be the chocolate chunk with the frosting and sprinkles. Heaven forbid I be unique.

My feelings are hurt that people are shallow and scared of what others will think of them. That even if they have an opinion they keep their mouths shut and never really let people see who they are or what they think. I have had a very close group of friends for many many years. Now they all support such disgusting behavior in fear that they would get in trouble or that their voice might be heard. How do they think it makes me feel knowing that they either don't give a crap about me now, are acting like they don't because they are scared, or are so incredibly selfish that they never really did???? WELL I HAVE FEELINGS TOO. APPARENTLY YOU DON'T CARE

I feel like the wolf being devoured by it's own pack. Because I left the pack I need to learn a lesson. So they have all banded together and are eating me alive and seem to be enjoying the taste of my blood as they all smile in their twisted victory. Well this wolf has nine lives and she WILL NOT LAY DOWN AND DIE!!!!! So go vegetarian and eat tofu.